I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
