glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
