Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize