I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize