went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
