is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
