I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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