Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
