How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
