weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
