So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the day after is always just damage control
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
