Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
