I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You pole danced in your parka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
