My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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