My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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