I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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