Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
