i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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