i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
