I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
