i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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