What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
