So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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