I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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