Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
