well I can't set my house on fire every night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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