I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
