lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
