i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
