Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We got so high we made milksteak
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
