This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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