Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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