He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
