New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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