i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
