bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
