lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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