She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
