By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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