I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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