Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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