and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
