so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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