I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
