Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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