At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
