Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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