is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
