So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
are you so shy because you have an std?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
