Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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