tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize