My liver just broke up with me...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
