I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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