we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
