Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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