I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
