When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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