I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
