mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
