yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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