i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
