Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
