did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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