I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
