You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't deserve a penis
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
