saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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