There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
