so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i think my cat just said my name.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
