So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
