dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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