Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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